Sadar banget akutu kalo berteman bakal jadi teman yang toxic.

Rasanya pengen menyudahi pertemanan2ku daripada mereka sebel karena ketoxicanku ini.

Perasaan digaji rakyat ya. Tapi kenapa yg dilayani selalu pimpinan ya.

Lagi dan lagi. Aku terjatuh terlalu dalam dan sulit menemukan permukaan untuk menyelamatkan diri.

Ya Allaah maafkan hamba-Mu yang bodoh ini :(

Tuhan, aku sedang galau. Bolehkah?

If I have choice to hate you, I will do it. Because loving you hurts me so bad.

Kangen waktu2 ada yang ditungguin bener kabarnya wkwkwk

Uwong ki do ngopoe ndadak ngomong aku kira aku doang aku kira aku doang padahal wes ket wingi tak bahas nganti nglotok ew

 Knowing you are listening to sad song. I dunno but it hurts me too

 Yang mau pergi siapa. Yang deg2an siapa.

Thanks a mature man.

 How to deal with my feelings?

Always happy but in the same time loosing you is something I should faced.

I love you but I'm not confident enough to confess it.

Falling in love with someone I (may) can't have.

And it's you.

Selalu merinding tiap liat postingan video menikah orang-orang. Entah kenapa.

Ya Allaah, Kau lah sebaik-baiknya perencana.

I'm ready to have a spouse :)

Self reminder. Because somehow I'm just too worried about those 3 things instead of put the rest to His hands.

I'm so tired of being single for about these 6 years 😭😭

Kita memang diajarkan untuk selalu bersyukur.

Tapi, apakah boleh sesekali kita mengasihani diri sendiri?

Bukannya masing-masing orang memang diberi ujian?

Dan bukankah kita tidak bisa menghakimi mana ujian yang lebih sulit dari yang lain?

Apa iya Tuhan memberi level ujian?

Kenapa tidak diasumsikan bahwa Tuhan bukan memberi level, melainkan diberi-Nya ujian berdasarkan kemampuan.

Bukan kemampuan yang bisa diperbandingkan satu sama lain.

Tapi kenapa diri ini rasanya masih tidak bisa terima bahwa diri ini seperti tidak diberi ujian dengan melihat sekitar yang sepertinya ujiannya lebih berat dari kita?

Lalu diri kita mengecilkan masalah kita sendiri dengan membandingkan bahwa ujian orang lain lebih sulit?

Padahal yang satu ujian matematika, satunya ujian musik?

Bolehkan Tuhan untuk sesekali menangis karena masalah yang dianggap sepele ini?

I have tried. But I'm lost.

Bagaimana bisa aku masih menemukanmu di dalam khayalku.

Tuhan tahu ini salah.

Akupun.

Aku mencoba yang lain, tapi nyaliku kecil.

Aku bukan orang hebat.

Hak istimewa pun tak punya.

Lantas apa yang bisa kutawarkan.

Aku benci kata andai. Terlalu bodoh mengandai-andai.

Tapi apa daya jika itu yang selalu kulakukan.

Ingin marah, tapi lupa apa alasannya.

Ah. Aku. Kenapa harus aku.

For those who can apply it on their life, congratulations you win!
But those who still fight to make it real, I'm on your side.

Being single for about 6 yrs is something I still appreciate more that I can stand over all of these problems.

A year after we broke up I still had a feeling that we can reunite, 2 years I kept the trust that he left me just for a while (bcs he said directly that he just wanted to focus on his uni life), 3 years I heard that he got a crush and it wouldn't beat my hope, 4 years I sometimes dreamed about him and prayed to God even he is not the one, let me know he would get what he wants. 5 years I got the news that he already married with his chosen one. So this year am I already accept this condition? Yes I am. But it took many years to let him go.

So, for all broken hearted people over there, cheer up. We just need more times than others.

Officer?

Kinda weird when strangers ask me about my job. Because I can't honestly tell them that I'm an officer.

Become an officer is something that I never expected before, why? For those who graduated from engineering college then is it common to be an officer after that? No, it's literally no.

So, why I chose this path?

First, being a jobseeker was suck. After you have a title after your name and you graduated then you don't know what to do. Competed with many fresher out there to get a position in the company was really tiring for sure.

Second, I felt tired because I'm an undergraduate from a good uni but became an unemployed for almost 6 months.

Third, God's way for me. If I put the red line in my life story, once I ever asked God that I wanted to be a student of TN, a semi military high school. But the fee was so expensive for my parents and they can't afford it if I didn't take scholarship. But who knows God answer my pray on this time?

But honestly I'm not confident enough carrying this burden. Maybe some people ask me why I rarely post my pic of wearing the uniform. Aren't you proud of it? No, I'm really proud of myself. But that uniform doesn't declare how proud I am, it shows that I should be responsible to this nation. Dedicating all of my life for this country. How heavy is the burden in the back of my uniform?

I'm just an officer work in the laboratory, but I'm really sure I still can be the real officer with no doubt.

13 April 2012.
Pernah ada 1 postingan yang akhirnya kuhapus.

Enggak, cuma pengen nemu yang bisa menggantikan aja.

Kek mana sih rasanya jatuh cinta? WKWKW kaco udah lama banget yak

I wuff you, guys! ♥️

Tapi berharap padamu pun aku belum sanggup.
Masih meraba-raba. Takutnya kamu kecewa.

Thank you for making my day ♥️

Selama perjalanan 25 tahun dikasih Allaah kesempatan buat hidup, salah satu hal yang masih ku renungi sampai sekarang adalah "if it means for you, God makes the way easier".

Jalan hidup orang mana pernah ada yang tahu?
Rahasia Tuhan.

Dear U.
Hello, the one who never fails to make me fall in love for the simplest thing he did.
I wish U know.
Even though U are my good friend, I start to fall in love with U since I met U.
Did U remember when U brought someone in one occasion that makes me mad on U?
And U just makes fun of it.
Don't U know it was my jealousy expression?
And I pretended as nothing's happened?
If I could tell U honestly, I was sick of it.
But when U picked me up in the airport, I couldn't make it clear that it was my super happy feeling indeed.

I always pretend that nothing is going. But I can't hide this feeling or force my feeling to not that much for U.

But to be honest to U, is one of the hardest thing to do because I should paid it by our friendship.

Hello. Do u miss me? Cz I do.

I'm not afraid of falling in love.
I'm afraid of having unadressed love.

I really tired for always being a black duck among the beautiful swan

You are toxic for some people, and annoying for some other people.
It's okay not to be okay, you don't need to please everyone because you just don't need to.
Remember that you still have a little soul to be cared, it's yourself.